Happy F***ing New Year!

Posted in Entertainment, Events with tags , , , , , , on December 31, 2010 by Ro

I hope you all had a great 2010 and have an even better 2011. I know I’m supposed to come up with one of those “Looking Back at 2010” lists, but I’m down to the wire and really don’t have time to research a solid ZZZlist celebrity list.  So I’ll just give you a personal list from the head, heart, and maybe some other body parts.

10 Things I Learned in 2010:

10. Waterproof your shit. You never know when someone is going to puke on your $300 comforter, or you’re going to step in a puddle of raw sewage in your nifty new UGG boots.

9. Try to get a good spa facial weekly. Especially as you get older. I learned this only a few months ago, and my Filipino under-eye bags are almost gone.

8. Don’t make decisions based on someone else’s mood swings or tantrums. You have a right to say/do what you want. If someone else doesn’t like it, fuck ’em.

7. Always do the right thing unless someone fucks with you. This year I’ve learned to do is to be less passive around bullies (internet or otherwise). It’s so easy, I don’t know why I didn’t start practicing this sooner. Fire your guns, and they will run away like cowards.

6. You can learn anything on Wikipedia or Reddit. No need to go anywhere else – they cover it all.

5.  Eating unprocessed foods actually does make you feel healthier. I’ve eaten mostly organic/unprocessed foods all year and I feel good like James Brown did.

4. The iPhone is the greatest invention ever. If I could fuck it, I would. I can’t live without it.

3. Never give a mentally challenged person your phone number. I’ll admit… I love the NSFW photo texts like DO NOT CLICK IF YOU  ARE EASILY OFFENDED. NOT SAFE FOR WORK, HOME, OR ANYWHERE ELSE this. But it’s annoying as fuck when someone with no concept of time calls your cell 100 times a day 24/7 and leaves a message EACH TIME, even though you never return the calls.

2.  If someone steals your lunch at work, don’t get mad. It happened to me multiple times this year. I figure they need it more than I do.

1. If you’re successful, always remember the people in your past who made you who you are today. If you’re a loser, please disregard this part. Let the people who helped form who you are know. If they’re deceased, pour a 40 for your dead homey.  My sub-list here:

  • Sue Tobin aka author Elizabeth George – She taught me how to be a writer and was the first person in my life to have confidence in me.
  • Joey “8” Holzman (RIP) – He got to me in my teens to 20’s and taught me about unconditional love and friendship.
  • Raymond Pettibon – He taught me how to be real, honest, and to always do right by people but not to let my guard down.
  • Dad (RIP) – He gave me my wicked sense of humor with a dash of eccentricity, and my love of the night sky.

Ok it’s a wrap. Have a wonderful 2011 and no drunk driving tonight!

Musician Teena Marie Died. Questo Got All “Kanye” for a Few Minutes.

Posted in Deaths, Entertainment, Music, News, Social Media with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 27, 2010 by Ro

Part 1: Teena Marie Dies

Teena Marie, the only white female artist (besides Michael Jackson) to break into the R&B music scene to a urban majority audience has died of  “natural causes” at the age of 54.

On the evening of December 26, Marie was found dead in her bedroom by her daughter Alia Rose (also known under stage name Rose LeBeau) one day after Alia’s December 25th Birthday.

Teena Marie was an R&B singer/guitarist and a protégé of soul artist Rick James. Romantically and professionally linked to James,  the duo often collaborated and toured together.

Stemming from her lawsuit against Motown records, she leaves behind as her legacy “The Teena Marie Law”, which states that a record company cannot hold an artist under contract without publishing their material.

Part 2: Twitter Goes Apeshit

It started with rumors and speculation on Twitter. Did Teena Marie die or not? After all, there was a Teena Marie death hoax a few years ago. And she admittedly had a prior addiction to prescription medication. But no one wants to look stupid claiming that she died and looking like a sucker if the person in question did not actually die.

It all appeared to start with Shelia E’s announcement:


Then Questo from The Roots replied to Sheila and said he needed a whiter source of news.  (I know the time stamps are off, but I just took screenshots at different times):

Ron Isley from The Isley Brothers chimed in:

But Questo wasn’t buying it. He still needed verification from “The Man”:

Next, Questo links to The Huffington Post’s article and wonders if this is “white enough.” Me thinks it is. :

Incoming! CNN:

Ok now the Q-Man is convinced:

Then came the Twitter backlash against Questlove ranging from things like his Courtney Love comment, his need for a “whiter” news source, his seemingly contrived grieving for Teena Marie, etc.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m a big fan of the Roots and I love Questlove on twitter because he talks politics, love, and usually keeps it real and makes people think. But for a few minutes, I thought that this had the potential to be his Rick Sanchez moment and his downfall. Remember when CNN fired Rick Sanchez during his tirade against Jon Stewart? It went like this:

“I’m telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart, and to imply that somehow they — the people in this country who are Jewish — are an oppressed minority? Yeah.” – Rick Sanchez

But the music business is more forgiving if you keep making hit records. So rock-on Questo!

By the way, here are Teena Marie’s last twats, a quote about living forever and birthday wishes for her daughter. Very sad. My condolences to Rose. :

 

Here is Rick James and Teena Marie singing, “I’m Just a Sucker for Your Love”

I’m With Banksy on this One

Posted in Art, Events with tags , , , , , , , , , on December 25, 2010 by Ro
Banksy got it right.

Banksy got it right.

 

As a lifelong Atheist, I don’t get into the “Christmas spirit” at all.

I mean, I exchange gifts, participate in Reddit’s Secret Santa each year, I donate to charities, and send non-religious cards.  But as far as your Christmas trees, Chanukah candles, and whatever it is that people do to celebrate Kwanzaa, that’s your business. Just please keep your stupid Christmas songs, drunk Baptist drivers, killing of pine trees, and torturous Christmas events to yourself.

What I’m trying to say here is that whatever it is that you celebrate, do it safe and have a good one. For me, tomorrow I shall be shopping in those great after-Christmas online sales. I’m even considering a pair of UGG boots – and I make fun of people who wear UGGs. It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

 

25 Years Ago Today: D Boon from the Minutemen Died at Age 27

Posted in Deaths, Music, News with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 22, 2010 by Ro


On December 22, 1985, D. Boon, the 27-year-old singer/guitarist for the band Minutemen died tragically. He was killed in a single car accident on I-10 in Arizona after the van that he was a passenger in ran off the road and ejected him from the rear doors.

 I went by his grave on Thanksgiving and cleaned it during my   annual grave-cleaning trek (My father, aunt, father-in-law, and lots of friends are buried in the same cemetery). But his grave is at the bottom of a hill and was caked in mud and oil (as you can see from the greasy tire mark made from a riding mower).

 Another tragedy is that the Minutemen albums are big sellers for SST records (owned by Greg Ginn), and I can tell you on behalf of George Hurley that he hasn’t seen a lick of royalties ever. Time to lawyer-up, I say. If it weren’t illegal, I’d recommend that you go and download “3-Way Tie (For Last)” on the torrents. But that’s illegal so don’t do it.

Don Van Vliet, the Great Captain Beefheart, Has Died.

Posted in Deaths with tags , , , , , , on December 17, 2010 by Ro

Don Van Vliet, the artist, also known as Captain Beefheart, the musician, has died at the age of 69. The cause of death was complications due multiple sclerosis, a disease he was rumored to be fighting since the 1970’s.

Van Vliet began his first career under the stage name Captain Beefheart in the 1960’s. He was known for his musical experimentation along with his friend and occasional music collaborator Frank Zappa. Many musicians claim that Beefheart influenced the alternative musical styles which are popular today.

Retiring from music in the 1980’s to pursue a new career in art, Van Vleit became known as an innovative expressionist painter. His paintings and drawings demanded high prices, proving that he had successfully made the transition from “rock star” to “renowned artist”.

By the 1990’s, he was almost completely confined to a wheelchair and had limited mobility in his hands to be able to continue painting. Often bedridden, he continued to sketch occasionally. His work is represented by the Michael Werner Gallery in New York.

If you haven’t heard his music, check out one of his best albums, “Trout Mask Replica.

On a side note, a few years back I was trying to pitch an interview with Van Vliet to Andy Warhol’s “Interview” magazine. I had to run the questions past his representative at the Michael Werner Gallery, and I was told that they didn’t want their client to discuss his past music career.  Elmo Kirkwood from the band Kirkwood Dellinger and son of Curt Kirkwood from the band Meat Puppets is a Beefheart fan so he helped me with the questions. Unfortunately, after the gallery reviewed the questions, they decided (without consulting Van Vliet) that they did not want  him to do the interview. I decided to go ahead and write a short article for an east-coast magazine and told this to Justine at the Werner gallery in case they wanted me to send them a few issues. Below is part of the response I got back (I still have the email chain):

“As you can imagine, we do like to have some input regarding articles written about our artists.”

As a writer, I don’t need to run anything past these control freaks, but out of respect for Van Vliet, I killed the article. Now I wish I hadn’t.

RIP, Captain Van Vliet.

My Theory on the Boneheads Who Blocked Traffic on Hollywood’s 101 Freeway

Posted in Crime with tags , , , , , , on December 5, 2010 by Ro


Remember October 12, 2010 because it’s an historic date in music history. That’s the day that a band of 30-something music biz failures called “Imperial Stars” used a truck to block four lanes of the 101 freeway near Sunset Boulevard to give a free “Hardcore Rap” concert to unwilling motorists held captive in the massive traffic jam caused by the band.

Keith Richard Yackey, 31, Christopher Roy Wright, 32, and David Paul Hale, 30, say they did it to help homeless children (themselves, perhaps?). But their moronic publicity stunt could be what they needed to break into the business of becoming prison boy-toys since all three were charged with felonies as a result.

Their grasp for fame was somewhat of a success, however, because it did gain them a whopping 246 Twitter followers (they originally had 3 followers, all of whom were actually in the band).

On their official webpage, the bio reads like it belongs in the BBC show, “Bad News Tour” or “This is Spinal Tap”. Here is just a sampling what you’ll find there:

“Along with Christopher, Rap Vocalist Paul Arabella exhales igneous verse that bridge chorus potential into hit records. Smooth in delivery, this peerless lyrical professional controls the measure and moves the beat with direction.”

So what’s my theory on these guys? I think they are comedians and they’ve fooled us all. Think about it… their music is shit, they’re too old to still have the dream of “making it”, and their website appears so unintentionally hilarious it’s hard to believe that these guys are serious. I mean, how could they make a music video like this and keep a straight face?

Leslie Nielsen has Died

Posted in Deaths with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2010 by Ro


Leslie Nielsen, the king of deadpan humor, has died at the age of 84. Nielson died in Fort Lauderdale, Florida from complications caused by pneumonia.

He was an inspiration to me because of his ability to keep a straight face while delivering funny lines and other things (as shown below)

Surely he will be missed.

Star Trek’s Lt. Uhura’s Brother’s Heaven’s Gate Final Exit Statement

Posted in Deaths, Weird with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 24, 2010 by Ro


Did you know that Nichelle Nichols, the actress who played Lieutenant Uhura in the original “Star Trek” television series, had a brother Thomas Nichols  who was a member of the Heaven’s Gate cult? If you recall, the Heaven’s Gate Cult were the UFO fanatics based in San Diego county who ate together at Marie Calendars restaurant prior to returning home to commit mass suicide on March 26, 1997.

Dessert was served at home in bed, and consisted of phenobarbital mixed with applesauce or pudding which was then washed down with vodka.  Additionally, plastic bags were placed over their heads induce asphyxiation. They were dead lying  their own bunk beds covered from head to toe with a purple cloth. Each member carried a five dollar bill and three quarters in their pockets.

No word on whether or not Thomas was one of the 7 males who underwent voluntarily underwent castration in Mexico in order to commit to an ascetic lifestyle, but I’m going to go on record and say he was one of the 7 because it makes the story better.

Why am I writing about this now? Because I finally found his “Heaven’s Gate Student Final Exit Statement”, which was videotaped right before his death. I’ve been looking for it for years and finally found it by searching under his cult name DSTODY.  And here it is:

Now how can we convince Scientologists to do the same?

 

 

 

Morris Katz, the “King of Schlock Art”, has died.

Posted in News with tags , , , on November 14, 2010 by Ro

Morris (Moshe) Katz has died after suffering a stroke at his home in Manhattan, New York. He was 78-years-old.

Known for his painting technique of using a palette knife wrapped in      toilet paper in lieu of a conventional paintbrush, this unconventional  artist holds two Guinness World Records; one for “world’s fastest  painter” and the other for “world’s most prolific artist.”

 

Katz is also listed in “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” as as a human oddity  for his ability to paint full works of art in less than five minutes using  his “Instant Art Method.”

 

Bob Guccione, Founder of Penthouse Magazine, has Died

Posted in Deaths with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 21, 2010 by Ro

Bob Guccione, the man who founded the X-rated print magazine “Penthouse” has died after battling lung cancer. He was 79 years old.

While this saddens me, I only wrote for Penthouse once because they wanted Hollywood stars. Hustler is my #1 because they have the renegade, anti-republican theme going on. Plus they buy my interviews, so obviously they are the coolest X-rated zine still around. And I worship Larry Flynt. If Flynt were to die before me, I would be in mourning for months. Guccione, not so much. Sorry Bob.